Hollywood overlooks defecation in films.

I was watching Chronicles of Riddick today and during a scene that involves a lot of running though deadlands and wastelands, trying to escape the bad guys, a thought came to me.
What if Riddick feels like shitting while climbing that cliff face? Like right now?! Like not later but RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!
What then?
Since movies try real hard to look real and to try and keep you grasped the directors should think about this important factor when dealing with humanoid characters. Humans need to defecate.
What really annoys me is that never in a movie do you see a character escaping from the bad guys but stopping midway to shit. You dont have to actually show it but can suggest it can't you?That really fucking ticks me off! If youre gonna make me believe that he is in trouble and that the bad guys are gonna catch up to him, thats trying to fuck with my emotions directly isn't it? Then if your'e doing that job so well, why are you being unrealistic about shitting and peeing?
Do you know how hard it is to run when you feel like you reeeealllly gotta go? There is no way that someone can run or think or do anything but drop his pants down when the shit feels like it wants explode.
So when Riddick is climbing that cliff face and he HAS to shit, you need a dialogue saying that
"damn i gotta shit!, ugh but i'll do it after i climb this piece of shit" After he climbs it he goes behind a rock. Cut. Thats it! Thats all that im asking for you bs hollywood directors!
Anyways just had another thought,
What if Batman wanted to shit in the middle of a fight?
You think about it.

Kung Fu

A seminar on the extra vehicular, intra political nature of Kung Fu and Chemical Wu Shu.
By Grandmaster Si Ach Fei.

INTRODUCTION
Good evening. My name is Grandmaster Si Ach Fei and I am today going to talk about the various styles of kung fu and chemical wu shu.
Kung fu is one of the most important martial art styles of the enveloping fist. The fist in this case is also a cause for various forms of destruction, which are in turn caused by the amazing flow of rational air multiplied by irrational behavior of intra molecular particles within the sinuses. Therefore it is one of the factors that make it the most dangerous and deadly forms of fighting around the world. But what do we exactly mean by the above statement? If we multiply the twelve styles of the highly carbohydrated protein Kung fu and deduct its limbic value we are left with nothing but a vesicular chamber that encompasses all breath trapped within the inner ears. Now as we gaze upon these various styles propagated by various men of great variety why don’t we see how its jugular being comes into play.

THE GLASS KICK.
All actuals that invite themselves into the world of Kung Fu are dominant upon biological and chemical processes. What we see here in its entirety is the breakdown of high synthetic protein fibre located in the modulus elongata, an area that is uncharted by medical history, that which is located in the central amoebic cortex of the human brain and only known to those practicing the glass kick. This is the most vulnerable part of the brain and can be easily accessed by the striker to gain entry into the brain directly bypassing the skulls monosynthetic defenses. To the practitioner of the glass kick the skull is non-existent and the brain of the opponent presents itself in its frivolous nakedness that draws an emotional response negated by the force that is dormant within its succulent walls.
As demonstrated by Grandmaster Lung-Ho-Gong and Master Ling-San-Bak in the year 1989 the glass kick is but, a vehicle carrying a sharp projecting force that invades the human brain making it devoid of all oxygen upon vibrofibular transparent contact. From their demonstration, the conclusions reached by the AEGFAF seminar in 1989 are extraordinary and can be confirmed by the honorary victim Lao Shieh (posthumous) who upon coming in contact with the glass kick described the feeling as, a combination of overwhelming sorrow and a ultra hi frequency, sub-sonic super tickle. The sub sonic vibration caused by the repeating hammering of the brain by the attackers toes displays itself in the most prolific manner leaving an aftertaste in the victims mouth that is confirmed by Lo Shieh as one of peanut butter mixed with dry Ramen.


...to be continued

The Great Habanero Circus

Today we shall talk about how important it is to experiment with habanero peppers. Habanero peppers are extremely important for our sphincter as it helps relax the entity and also psuedo-neuralizes any limbic intincts that we have.
Yesterday a young fellow named Jose came to my house and in the pretext of selling ballpens tried to rob me. He screamed " you fucking bastardo get down and gimme everything you have in your refrigerator ".
He took out a knife that was 5 inches long and motioned it menacingly at me but i was too smart for that bullshit, and because of my insanely high numbered glasses i was able to binoculate onto his knife which clearly show the letters in bold "made in china".
Chinese knives that are imported to the USA are of ultra high quality fake materials and are known for their breakability. Upon this typographical revelation i let him enter and as he turned to look towards my pc i pulled out my SOG seal revolver knife and with one swing chopped his blade in half sending that piece of metal flying. He was shocked and looked angrier than ever.
I asked him if he had eaten and he replied that he was hungry. Asking him to sit down i offered to cook him some of my exotic stuff. He seemed a bit relaxed now and a little shocked at my compassionate behaviour.
Switched on my favourite channel which had the "Iron Chef : RoastLamb" episode running, just to get his appetite working. From the kitchen i could see his eyes glued to the tv.
I started working.
First,took 8 habanero peppers and blended them into a thick paste, then 5 whole peppers with 2 tablespoons of red chilly powder from India, 3 cloves of garlic with one whole wad of mashed ginger. This delicious concoction was then added to half a cup of vegetable oil and 1 cup of shampoo.
Blended all the stuff together slowly adding shots of lime + vodka and crushed ice. Then gave it a shot of fruit spray to mask the spicyness of the affair.
Meanwhile Jose was looking really hungry, and thirsty i may add. He got up as i entered and motioning him to sit down, handing him the glass i asked him if he had medical insurance? He looked confused and said "no" . I looked at him and motioned him to drink the ice cold stuff while it was still hot......